A few days after Momo and Jake left Zürich, it was our turn to cross the border – this time, we went to Peter’s hometown to visit his family and friends. It was L’s first time to see her auntie Karin and her family. Here are some photos from our long weekend in Germany.

Nymphea is a small animal zoo in the 70’s style. We went there with Karin’s family but it was a cold day to stay outside for the children. Nonetheless, I had fun taking photos…

As soon as we entered the park, I felt nostalgic. I must say Europe does a pretty good job in staying in time, esp. in the 60’s and 70’s. Peter also visited this park as a kid, he said. Sometimes the vintage signs such as the “ISENBECK” lady above cracked me up.

L is not afraid of animals and touches them all the time. Here she is feeding the aggressive goats popcorn which was provided at the ticket office. Of course she was occasionally helping herself as well.

Please excuse my wonderful outfit – it was a cold day and I had to wear everything I had brought with me.

This weekend was very special for L: she met her cousins for the first time. Their mom, Peter’s sister Karin, gave L a red Bobby-Car as a gift. Thank you!!

We also got a mug-cup with a photo of L’s cousins on it. I always showed L the photo album of Karin’s family, and I wonder if she recognized them immediately.

The long weekend ended with lots of gifts to take home. We received a birdhouse from Peter’s mother which Peter and I find amazingly done. It looks like one of these colorful boat houses in Norway.

While Momo and Jake were visiting us, Biggi and Steffen drove many hours from Germany to see us all. On top of it, it was Biggi’s birthday. We were so glad that she chose to spend her birthday with us!!

Since we have 2 vegetarians, 1 vegan, and 1 with gluten intolerance, coming up with the menu which everyone can eat was extremely difficult. So lunch, Momo and I cooked eggplant and cilantro dip with tortilla chips. For dinner I prepared my favorite Rösti (Swiss hash brown potatoes) with chanterelle mushroom cream sauce (with soy product). Then each took a part in cooking Rösti in the pan, because one portion takes 30 min. I did not know!! By the time we all got to fill our belly with 2 kg of potatoes, it was already 9 p.m. Oye. I should also study the cooking time next time I think of a menu.

On Biggi’s birthday, I wanted to bake gluten-free vegan cupcakes with “HAPPY BIRTHDAY BIGGI” on each, but I just did not have time for it. Instead, we went out for lunch at Ristorante Cucina, which won the first prize for its oven baked pizza.

Despite my recommendation for pizza, Biggi ordered Orecchiette, Momo ordered linguine and Steffen meat (well, he cannot have pizza…).

After lunch, Peter ordered a plate of Tiramisu as a birthday cake. Sadly, he could not stay to see how excited L was to see a small firework on Tiramisu.

Biggi is such a lovely person, and I feel so lucky to have such a great sister-in-law.

Momo and Jake at a cafe in Limmatplatz. They bore our occasional German conversation. Sorry and thank you for your patience!!

While Jake and Momo were here, we went to Hiltl to splurge on vegetarian foodl. Mom gave Momo a special permission to charge on her CC, so we can eat AS MUCH AS WE WANT!!

We were already talking about the dinner at Hiltl from a few days earlier and were excited when we arrived at this famous vegetarian restaurant in Zürich. The last visit with my parents was a nice experience, and my vegetarian sister and her vegan husband were excited to return (their 2nd visit) to Hiltl.

Well, I have to say it was not that nice this time. We were seated on the second floor, where L could not keep her eyes on the nice waitress on the ground floor. When we got to our table, the child seat requested on the Internet AND by phone was not there. Our waiter gave us a grumpy face when we asked him to readjust the child seat. The service was extremely sloppy and made us feel uncomfortable: empty plates were not taken away unless we asked and I even had to get up to look for the cutleries from the service station by myself.

In the dessert display, there were wrong labels for cakes, so Jake ordered something he did not want. Before we could ask the waiter to change, he just went away and never came back. We felt like we were ignored for the whole evening. At the end, our fury turned into disappointment. Momo cheered everybody up, saying “at least the food was good!” Indeed the food was excellent, but I am not sure if I want to go back to pay for such a bad service.

Peter ordered “brownie ice cream”, meaning brownie-flavored ice cream. Somehow we always end up with the wrong plate – ice cream & brownie.

L quickly took a piece of brownie and dipped in the chocolate sauce. I know she is not supposed to eat so much chocolate at her age, but hey, this evening was an exception.

This was the only time we went out while Jake and Momo were here, and I feel bad that I chose Hiltl. Until next time, I am going to research a restaurant that 1) serves vegetarian food, 2) is family friendly and 3) has a good service.

Before I know it, the fun time is over. Momo and Jake left for Boston today, and we all miss them already.

Momo and Jake were talking about having a child frequently, and I wonder if L succeeded in convincing them. I told Peter how nice it’d be if L can visit her cousin in US.

This morning when Momo and Jake were packing their suitcases, L was “helping” them out = constantly carrying away things they want to bring home.

Before lunch, we took a long walk in the forest. It was freezing and started to rain.

L loves the airport. She excitedly walked around as if she knows where she is heading to.

Momo let L wear her headphones for the last time, without any music.

Before the passport control. When Momo had tears in her eyes, L started stroking her hair to console. That brought more tears to Momo. She insisted not to upload this photo, but I thought it was very cute.

In the mean time, L and Jake made a cheerful farewell that brought smile to everybody.

Long after Momo and Jake passed through the passport control, L was looking at them for a long time. As I write this blog entry, Momo and Jake are still on the flight, watching a movie and eating vegetarian in-flight meal.

Thank you, Momo and Jake for taking loving care of Lili and helping us out in the household!! It was such a nice time together and wish we can visit you guys in Boston soon!!

Jake arrived in Zürich one hour earlier than expected. When we saw the arrival time on Internet, Momo, L and I hurried to the airport as fast as we could. Of course L wanted to stop and look around all the time, and she sometimes walked back the way she came.

Momo’s eyes sparkled when Jake was escorted out by the security guards came through the customs with a big smile.

Peter and I gave a whoop of joy when Jake took out the bag of heavy bagels from Bergen Bagels in Brooklyn.

Apparently his band had a live show in NYC and could not resist a quick stop at Bergen Bagels on the way back to Boston. These bagels were so heavenly I can use them as my pillow and dream about them. I also came up my business plan to bring Bergen Bagels to Switzerland.

For lunch, we each ate different food. Peter was forced to eat leftover Pad Thai from the night before, Jake chose a Taboulé salad and a sandwich, Momo bought ready-made tomato soup and a croissant from COOP.

For dinner we cooked vegetable tomato sauce with pasta and salad with bean sprouts. I just read on BBC that people who eat whole foods are less likely to be depressive than people who eat processed food. I wonder if our current meal plan can prevent us from depression. It’ll certainly makes us fat, that we know for sure.

Peter and Momo wanted to eat lots of shrimps, so I cooked Shrimp Pad Thai for them.

When my family used to live in BKK, my mom used to buy street food all the time, saying it’s more economical to buy on the street than cooking at home. Since we all loved the street food in Thailand, this was paradise!! My mom’s favorite was the Isaan lady’s Som tum and khao niao. This lady did not have her own stand at the beginning and simply sat on the side of the office building with her tools and ingredients. The last time I heard about her, she had her own stand in front of a popular shopping area. Hum, I guess my mom had an eye for good Thai food! I read that Pad Thai is a street food, but I don’t recall eating Pad Thai on the street in Thailand.We mostly ate Isaan food, because many people from Isaan come down to look for a job in Bangkok.

Since there is a big Thai population in Switzerland, getting all the ingredients in an Asian grocery store is not a problem. However, I forgot to buy Tamarind and had to improvise. Here is the recipe for my easy Pad Thai with the ingredients available in any major supermarket in Switzerland. I used onions which does not usually go in, because I had so many at home.

(Serving 4)

1. Soak 1 pack of Thai rice noodle in lukewarm water for about 30 min,
2. Cut 1 lime into 4, wash 2 1/2 cups of bean sprouts, slice 1 pack of deep-fried Tofu (or extra firm tofu) into thin strips, cut 2 strips of green onion (or Chinese chives), mince 2 small onions,
3. Heat 3 tablespoon oil in a wok, roast 4 tablespoons of peanuts until brown, take out, crush half the portion for later,
4. Cook green onion, onions and Tofu until the color of onion gets transparent,
5. Add noodle to the wok, flavor with: 8 tablespoon fish sauce, 1 tablespoon Thai thin soy sauce (See Eu Khao), 4 tablespoon palm sugar (or regular sugar), 4 tablespoon rice vinegar,
6. Push the noodle aside and mix in 2 eggs, cook until it’s done,
7. Add 2 cups of bean sprouts, crushed peanuts (from Step 3) and 450g shrimps to the wok, mix well,
8. Stir until shrimps are cooked,
9. Serve with the rest of roasted peanuts, lime, and bean sprouts on the side. You can also put sugar, chili powder and fish sauce to adjust the flavor on your own. I also added cilantro as a decoration but you don’t really need it.

How to eat: Eat with a spoon on the right and a folk on the left, using the spoon like a knife.

Bon Appetit!

* In the recipe, I omitted garlic cloves and chilli power because of L.

In today’s SonntagsZeitung, there was an article “Stiefkind Adoption (Stepchild Adoption)” about the adoption in Switzerland. Since there is no concrete statistic or research on adoptive families in Switzerland, it’s hard to say if those adoptions have been successful or not. But the question is, what really defines a successful adoption? In the open adoption forum we attended back in March, the same question was discussed along with many other topics. I always want more people to know about adoption, and I was thrilled to find an adoption-related article in the major paper in Switzerland.

I copied the complete article (in German) before it vanishes to the archive:

Stiefkind Adoption

Über Adoptierte gibt es viele Behauptungen und wenig aussagekräftige Forschungsergebnisse – eine Zürcher Studie soll das ändern

Von Claudia Nientit*

Der 17-jährige Millionärssohn Bernhard Bogner erhängte sich 2005 auf dem Dachboden der elterlichen Villa. Der Waffenläufer Mischa Ebner tötete 2002 als «Mitternachtsmörder von Bern» junge Frauen. Sein älterer Bruder Alex hatte vier Jahre zuvor Selbstmord begangen. An einer Bushaltestelle in Höngg erschoss 2007 Luis P. ohne Anlass eine 16-Jährige.

Die Erklärung für das Scheitern dieser jungen Männer ist schnell zur Hand: Adoption. Verhaltensstörungen und psychische Probleme gelten nach Adoptionen für viele Experten als unausweichlich. Nur: Bewiesen ist das nicht. Es ist nicht einmal bekannt, welche Faktoren sich positiv oder negativ auf das Wohlergehen der Adoptivkinder auswirken. Es besteht auch keine Einigkeit darüber, wann eine Adoption erfolgreich war oder wie man diesen Erfolg messen sollte.

Verallgemeinernde Aussagen sind allgegenwärtig: Adoptivkinder würden die sozialen Dienste übermässig belasten, war nur eine der Behauptungen, der Heidi Bucher-Steinegger immer wieder begegnete, als sie im Jahr 2003 die Leitung der neu geschaffenen Zentralbehörde für Adoption im Kanton Zürich übernahm. Adoptiveltern seien besonders oft gezwungen, Familien- und und “>Erziehungsberatungsstellen in Anspruch zu nehmen, sagte man ihr. Doch als sie nach Statistiken und Beweisen für diese Aussagen fragte, wurden meist nur Einzelberichte und persönliche Erfahrungen als Quellen der Erkenntnis angeführt. «Es gibt über die Entwicklung von Adoptivkindern in der Schweiz keine Daten», sagt Bucher-Steinegger. Deshalb hat ihre Behörde eine entsprechende Studie in Auftrag gegeben.

«Der Start war gut, wir haben viele Antworten bekommen»

Für die Studie wurden mehr als 200 Elternpaare angeschrieben, die zwischen 2003 und August 2008 in Zürich ein oder mehrere Kinder aufgenommen hatten. Zum Brief gehörte ein standardisierter, dem Alter des Kindes entsprechender Fragebogen, die «Child Behaviour Checklist». Darin wird etwa nach den Schulleistungen der Kinder gefragt, nach Krankheiten und Behinderungen oder Verhaltensweisen wie häufigem Weinen, Gehorsam, Albträumen oder Impulsivität. «Der Start war gut, wir haben sehr viele Antworten bekommen», sagt Forschungsleiter Thomas Gabriel vom Departement Soziale Arbeit der Zürcher Hochschule für Angewandte Wissenschaften.

Die aus den Fragebögen gewonnenen Erkenntnisse dienen als Grundlage für die persönlichen Interviews mit Eltern und und “>Kindern. Dabei wollen Gabriel und seine Kollegen herausfinden, welche Faktoren dem Wohl der Kinder im Adoptionsprozess förderlich sind. Fünf Jahre nach der ersten Erhebung sollen in einer dritten Stufe 2014 noch einmal Fragebögen verschickt werden, um die Entwicklung der Kinder zu verfolgen. Bisher wurde in internationalen Studien meist nur nach einzelnen Verhaltens- und Entwicklungsstörungen oder negativen Einflüssen gesucht.

Heim ist nicht gleich Heim, Pflegerin nicht gleich Pflegerin

Einige Beispiele: Es gibt Studien, die das Alter bei Adoption oder die Dauer des vorangegangenen Heimaufenthaltes zur Häufigkeit psychischer Störungen ins Verhältnis gesetzt haben. Demnach liegt die magische Grenze bei bei “>sechs Monaten. Sind die Kinder älter oder waren länger im Heim oder Spital, ist das Risiko für psychische Probleme höher. Andere Analysen orten die kritische Altersgrenze bei zwei Jahren. Wieder andere Untersuchungen handeln männliches Geschlecht oder Adoptiveltern mit leiblichen Kindern als Risikofaktoren.

Doch sind solche Schlüsse überhaupt möglich? Die Lebenswege von Kindern unterscheiden sich in 6 oder 24 Monaten extrem. Eines wurde vielleicht misshandelt, ein ein “>anderes anderes “>litt Hunger oder war krank, und wieder ein anderes wuchs relativ behütet auf. Auch Heim ist nicht gleich Heim. Nicht alle alle “>Kinderheime sind so schrecklich wie jene, die man nach Ende des Ceausescu-Regimes in Rumänien entdeckte. Selbst innerhalb eines Heims ist eine Pflegerin nicht mit der anderen vergleichbar; und sie behandeln auch nicht alle Kinder gleich. «Wir stellen zunächst den Grossteil der bisherigen Forschungsergebnisse in Frage», sagt Gabriel.

Andere sind weniger kritisch: In Büchern und und “>bei Vorträgen zum Thema Adoption werden Eltern und und “>Sozialarbeiter immer wieder mit den gleichen Aussagen konfrontiert: Die Adoption und deren Umstände hinterliessen selbst bei bei “>Adoptionen im Säuglingsalter lebenslange Spuren. «Unbestritten ist, wie wie “>hochempfindlich das noch nicht fertig entwickelte Gehirn ist und wie stark es von traumatischen Erfahrungen geprägt und in seiner Struktur verändert werden kann», schreibt etwa die deutsche Psychotherapeutin und Adoptionsexpertin Irmela Wiemann**. Die Fähigkeit für Bindungen, die Selbststeuerung und der Aufbau eines Gewissens sei bei den betroffenen Kindern gestört.

Andere Therapeuten gehen sogar davon aus, dass es nur einem Drittel der Adoptierten selbst gelingt, die seelischen Verletzungen zu überwinden. Ein weiteres Drittel schaffe es mit professioneller Hilfe. Den übrigen Betroffenen sei es nie möglich, ein normales, selbstständiges Leben zu führen.

Den meisten Adoptivkindern und ihren Familien geht es gut

Die Zürcher Studie soll den mit Adoptionen beschäftigten Institutionen helfen, ihre Arbeit zu verbessern. Deren Mitarbeiter müssen bislang überwiegend aufgrund persönlicher Erfahrungen entscheiden, was das Beste für die Kinder ist. Es gibt einen Katalog von Anforderungen an Adoptierende: Sie müssen unter anderem gesund, lange genug verheiratet und finanziell abgesichert sein. Sie sollen über einen guten Leumund, ein soziales Netzwerk und erzieherische Fähigkeiten verfügen. Einige Kinderheime, Herkunftsländer und Vermittlungsorganisationen haben weitere Ansprüche. Sie bestehen etwa auf kirchliche Heirat, ärztlich-bescheinigte Unfruchtbarkeit oder Kinderlosigkeit beider Eltern.

In der Stadt Basel müssen Adoptionswillige sogar versichern, ihren Beruf bis zum Kindergarteneintritt ihres Adoptivkindes hintanzustellen und und “>zusammen nicht mehr als 150 Prozent zu arbeiten. Je nach Alter des Kindes dürfen es in den ersten drei bis acht Monaten sogar nur 100 Prozent sein. «Mit unseren Vorgaben können wir garantieren, dass Adoptiveltern, die in der Eingewöhnungszeit stark von ihrem Kind gefordert und/oder gebraucht werden, die zeitlichen und und “>finanziellen Ressourcen haben, diese Aufgabe zu übernehmen», erklärt Nicole Hächler, die Leiterin der Zentralen Behörde Adoption und Pflegefamilien des Kantons Basel Stadt. Dabei beruft sie sich auf Forschungserkenntnisse und Erfahrungen der Behörde. Ob die Zürcher Studie diese Erfahrungen bestätigt, bleibt abzuwarten.

Ein Ergebnis lassen aktuelle Analysen aus aus “>anderen Ländern jedoch schon jetzt erahnen: Den meisten Adoptivkindern und und “>ihren Familien geht es gut – auch wenn Extremfälle wie Ebner und Co. präsent bleiben. Ein positives Beispiel ist etwa der neue deutsche Gesundheitsminister Philipp Rösler, der im Alter von neun Monaten von deutschen Eltern aus Vietnam adoptiert adoptiert “>wurde. Ein anderes ist der erfolgreiche Schweizer Schweizer “>Leichtathlet Amaru Reto Schenkel, der in Togo geboren und im Alter von drei Jahren von seinen Schweizer Eltern adoptiert wurde.

* Die Autorin ist Mutter eines Adoptivkindes
** «Adoptiv- und Pflegekindern ein Zuhause geben», Balance Ratgeber, 28.90 Franken

Publiziert am 01.11.2009

For last X’mas card, we slacked off and asked Momo to send us a set from Urban Outfitters. Momo later told me about Paper Source where I found more card designs I liked.

Since Momo is here this year, we decided to ask her for a family portrait and use it for the card. I discovered Minted in Real Simple and wants to order from here instead of Photoworks (but less expensive!!).

In the mean time, since the weather was “golden” today and it’s supposed to rain from tomorrow, Momo took photos of us in our favorite community park. The photos turned out to be great and funny, there are even some shots where I actually have my eyes opened.

Here are some of the Minted designs I liked:

They also had some NYC cards which made me sad that we are not living there any more… I miss the fall in Central Park and all these Christmas decorations in the city!!

For those of Momo’s friends who are my blog stokers, here are some photos of her you’ve been waiting for!! She is doing great and makes us laugh all the time. =D

Whenever Momo and I crack up (which we do all the time), L joins us and laughs out loud. Her laugh is so adorable we just have to hug her.

I showed Momo L’s birth album from Pakkred Babies Home. L wanted to touch the 3D-stickers on every page.

Momo cooked us the BEST enchilada from her favorite vegetarian cookbook. We absolutely loved it!! It was as good as the enchilada I ate in the mission district in San Fransisco.

Breakfast: we usually eat bread, but Momo wanted to try all the cereal boxes in our shelf. The Cheerios box is Momo’s souvenir for L. Apparently the kids in US eat this as a snack. When I first saw this package, I thought Cheerios is now available as a Ramen noodle.

Since Momo has been taking so many photos for us, I treated her for lunch in one of my favorite Asian restaurant in Zürich, a Vietnamese Restaurant called “Petit Saigon.” Their take-out menu is very “Swissnized” and not authentic at all, but their real Vietnamese dishes are close to what I used to get in NYC. As you can see, the dipping sauce for the spring roll is 1/2 of what you get in US. Puh!! Momo ordered vegetarian vermicelli (Bun Chay) and I got the grilled pork and spring roll vermicelli (Bun Cha Gio Nem Nuong). They were good! I would love to go back there again soon.

I had a great time spending time with Momo alone after so many years, because she could not leave US for years while waiting for her green card.

Here is Momo in front of Linus Bill’s photography. Peter told me recently that he is the grandson of Max Bill.

Lastly here is Momo playing with L. She is a very patient and loving auntie. Momo shows L a lot of plays I had never thought of such as “cleaning up the room before bedtime” and “shopping”. In the photo, they are “shopping” wooden blocks into the shopping cart. Damn! Why didn’t I think of that idea before!!

Tomorrow, Momo’s hubby Jake is arriving in Zürich and will join us for one week. This is their first time staying at a family with a small child, so I am excited to see how they, as a couple, will deal with L.

Last Sunday we spent the morning at home. I baked banana chocolate chip muffins while Peter played with L in the living room.

A lot of my friends don’t like bananas and banana-related sweets, so I could not distribute these muffins to anybody. I like sharing my sweets and getting a feedback so I can improve baking skills. I really want to try cupcakes but have not tried yet. Can anybody share a good cupcake recipe?

When the rain stopped in the afternoon, we went to the community center. Peter spotted a donkey rubbing his itchy butt against the metal fence after pooping and told me not to let L touch the upper fence any more.